


like a river flows(surely, to the sea)

by kaywritesfics



Category: DCU
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Multi, POV Second Person, Wrong Number AU, actually just fluff and schmoop very little pain i promise, chat fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2019-11-16 06:10:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18088913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaywritesfics/pseuds/kaywritesfics
Summary: You accidentally text a wrong number and continue texting when the person on the other end turns out to be an adorable detective.no beta reader we die like men





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> god i love chat fics  
> so have this garbage I started writing at like 2 in the morning
> 
> comments are very much appreciated <3

[16:40] **< name>** : I AM GOING TO SCREAM?

[16:41]  **< name>** : I HAVE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH GREG 

[16:41]  **< name>** : CAN U COME OVER AND THREATEN HIM WITH BODILY HARM I'D LUV U FOREVER 

 

[16:45]  **< name>** : oh god im tryna get max to take over but that hoe has abandoned me to help out some sweet old lady in aisle 7 i just know greg is going to come up to the counter again and ask 4 my help i dont deserve this 

  
[16:45]  **< name>** : why dont i get the sweet old ladies 

  
[16:46]  **< unknown number>** :Try taking a bathroom break until greg leaves?

 

[16:46]  **< name>** : kor u know dam well the bosslady is against leaving the counters unmanned im the only one here

  
[16:46]  **< name>** : guess ill die

[16:48]  **< name>** : this week i swear;;;;first i lose my phone;;;and my precious notes and now i have to deal with fuckin greg

  
[16:50]  **< name>** :oh lord hes comin 

[16:50]  **< unknown number>** : Pretend to take an phone call! Say its an emergency!!

 

[16:51]  **< name>** : god 

\--

[16:59]  **< unknown number>** : Well? Did u escape him?

[17:05]  **< name>** : ya lol 

  
[17:06]  **< name>** : max came back just as he came up 2 the counter and i escaped to the break room 

  
[17:06]  **< name>** : another stealth maneuver executed perfectly from urs truly 

 

[17:06]  **< name>** : we still on for drinks tonite btw? curious abt the lady u went on a date with, wally told me it went really well ;)

[17:11]  **< unknown number>** : That's nice,that you escaped him.

[17:11]  **< unknown number>** :  I'm not kor, though.

[17:11]  **< unknown number>** : You have the wrong number :) 

  
[17:15]  **< name>** : aw heck my b 

  
[17:16]  **< unknown number>** : It's all good. 

 

[17:30]  **< name>** : hey u still here?

[17:16]  **< unknown number> : **Still not kor, whoever that is. 

  
[17:30]  **< name>** : yeah ik

  
[17:30]  **< name>** : just wanted 2 thank u 4 listening its been a day

[17:35]  **< unknown number> : **It's alright. Customer service must be pretty hard :( 

  
[17:36]  **< name>** : o u know it

  
[17:36]  **< name>** : if its not the expired coupons, its a kid throwing up on aisle 2 or someone trying to return used utensils or w/e

  
[17:37]  **< name>** : dont even get me started on the soccer moms with  _the haircut_ that will call for the manager if u cant handle their ridiculous requests

  
[17:40]  **< unknown number> : **the haircut? 

  
[17:43]  **< name>** : awh ,u know the one

[17:46]  **< name>** :[looks like this](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRqKVsJ-G-YC3eTBNFNDQZuoZgez0Kdar4lm_oGQGEeiA8CORBV)

[17:46]  **< unknown number> : **LMAO 

[17:46]  **< unknown number> : **Yeah, seen my fair share of those. 

[17:50] **< name> **: it doesn't help that our manager is a huge pushover

 

[17:51] **< unknown number> **: How come?

 

[17:53] **< name> **: he lets customers walk over him way 2 easily it's almost sad to watch

[17:54] **< name> **: this one time

[17:54] **< name> **: a customer almost reduced him 2 tears after she wanted to exchange in a broken tv that she insisted came delivered that way

[17:54] **< name> **: the screen was all cracked in the front and there was a hole

[17:54] **< name> **: and when the asst manager came and pressed her for more info she revealed that it was cause a kid of hers threw a wii remote at the TV.

 

[17:56] **< unknown number> **: I want to laugh but I remember all I the times I've accidentally thrown a wii remote while bowling and dented the walls

[18:05] **< unknown number> **: That's kinda hilarious though.

[18:05] **< unknown number> **: Do people often try to return things like that?

[18:08] **< name> **:yeah working in a retail store makes u realise people are actually that mad dumb

[18:10] **< name> **:and do not care abt their dignity as long as money and the possibility of a free exchange or products are involved

[18:12] **< name> **:this isn't even the worst instance tbh

 

[18:18] **< unknown number> **: Glad I never went into customer service. We still have to deal with ridiculous complaints sometimes at the station but it's pretty rare occurrences.

[18:20] **< name> **: you're a cop?

[18:22]] **< unknown number> **: Detective, actually.

[18:35] **< name> **:oo dangerous

[18:36] **< unknown number> **: Sometimes, yeah. But it's what I love doing so it's alright.

[18:40 **] <name> **:wish I could say the same abt my job but this just pays the rent

[18:41] **< name> **:once I finish my masters it's over for the bourgeoisie

[18:42] **< name> **:aite cop dude I gotta clock out now but it was nice talking

[18:45] **< name> **:smell u later

[18:49] **< unknown number> **: The name's Dick. It was nice talking to you too. And I'm not a cop, again.

[18:50] **< name> **:dick like in richard?

[18:51] **< unknown number> **: Yeah, but no one really calls me Richard, oddly enough.

[18:51] **< name> **: surprising

[18:52] **< name> **: (name), tired broke uni student and despairing retail worker at ur service

[18:52] **< dick the not cop> **: Aw. Cute name tho ;)

[18:53] **< name> **:charmer

\--

 

[19:22] **< name> **: wally

[19:23] **< wally> **: ya what's up

[19:22] **< name> **: gimme kor's number she wrote it down wrong

[19:23] **< wally> **: hol up

[Contact recieved!]

[19:22] **< name> **: thanks ur my bitch

[19:22] **< name> **: coming out for drinks with us tonight? the usual place

[19:22] **< wally> **: nah, I got dinner with the fam. have fun tho

[19:22] **< name> **: kay u2

\-- 

[19:23] **< name> **: kor??

[19:24] **< koriandr>** : (name).

[19:24] **< name> **: u wrote down ur number wrong >:(

[19:24] **< name> **: and I went on a long rant abt greg to the wrong number

[19:24] **< name> **: seemed cute though

[19:25] **< koriandr>** : A number seemed cute to you? And Greg came by again? :/

[19:25] **< name> **: dw abt greg I managed to avoid him

[19:25] **< name> **: ya he was nice and had proper punctuation and all it was precious

 

[19:26] **< koriandr>** : I text with proper punctuation too, you know.

[19:27] **< name> **: yeah but u also look like u can kill a man just by looking at him

 

[19:27] **< koriandr>** : Aw, thank you <3 anyway I'll see you in 2 hours at Kyle's?

[19:27] **< name> **: ya sure

[19:27] **< name> **: u owe me drinks and the full tea on the lady u went on a date with

[19:27] **< koriandr>** : Donna? I'm not going to lie, she's pretty cool.

[19:28] **< koriandr>** : :^) See you there <3

 --

[19:45] **< Tim> **: dick please tell me ur coming to alfred's party

[19:45] **< Tim> **: jason is home too and u can cut the tension between him and dad with a knife

[19:45] **< Tim> **: don't leave me alone

[19:47] **< Dick> **: You won't be alone

Selina, Alfred and Damian will be there too, remember :P

[19:47] **< Tim> **: ლ(ಠ益ಠლ)

[19:52] **< Tim> **: damian is a demon child who is fond of u and only u, selina will probably laugh her way through it

[19:52] **< Tim> : **alfred is my only ally and I need more

[19:53] **< Dick> **: I'll think about it. Saturday, right?

[19:53] **< Tim> **: ಠ⌣ಠ ya ty

 --

[20:30] **< Jason> **: You're coming home the weekend right?

[20:30] **< Jason> **: Please don't make me deal with Damian

[20:30] **< Jason> **: I swear that kid has it out for me

[20:32] **< Dick> ** : You're being dramatic, Jason.

[20:32] **< Dick> **: He's only five

[20:34] **< Jason> **: 5 and has nothing but murder on his mind

[20:35] **< Jason> **: He can't fool me

[20:35] **< Jason> **: I'm going to ask Alfred if I can put him under a bridge in a box with an adopt me sign

[20:42] **< Dick> **: Jason, no

[20:42] **< Jason> **: I'll leave a few milk cartons and a warm blanket for the weather too?

[20:45] **< Dick> **: NO.

 --

[20:53] **< Selina> **: Dick.

[21:02] **< Dick> **: Selina.

[21:03] **< Dick> **: Let me guess, you want me home for the weekend for Alfred's birthday party so I can manage the little goblins

[21:12] **< Selina> **: While it would be nice to have you over, that's not why I messaged you

[21:12] **< Selina> **: I just wanted to share this video

[21:12] **< Selina> **: Of Damian falling on his face and doing his best not to cry

[Video received]

[21:15] **< Dick> **: Oh my god, that's precious. This is why you're my favourite in the family.

[21:15] **< Selina> **: <3

[21:16] **< Dick> **: <3

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're somehow still texting the detective, Kori might be in love, and Damien sets fire to someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *shows up months later with some new garbage *  
> hello if anyone's still reading this because im still writing it  
> i've been mad busy sdhjssdjdhs???? anyway enjoy i love writing abt the batboys

 

[11:34] **< dick the not cop> **: Do you have any more funny stories about working in retail?

 

[11:40] **< name> **: cop man! 

 

[11:42] **< dick the not cop> **: It's been a really slow day of filing reports :( 

[11:42] **< name> **: :( 

 

[11:42] **< name> **: i gotchu 

 

[11:42] **< name> **: ok so 

[11:43] **< name> **: there's this really creaky light fixture in the canned foods aisle, right 

  
  
[11:43] **< name> **:and we've been telling the bosslady to fix it for weeks but no one ever got to it 

  
  
[11:44] **< name> **: and there was this poor old lady trying to get something off the top shelf right below the light fixture 

 

[11:46] **< dick the not cop> **: Oh no

 

[11:46] **< name> **: wait for it 

 

 

[11:48] **< name> **:so i go up to help her 

  
  
[11:50] **< name> **: and the light fixture creaks even more and it snaps while i'm on my way to help the lady 

 

[11:50] **< name> **: she's like five feet away 

 

[11:51] **< name> **: i ran for it and tackled the lady

 

[11:51] **< name> **: and the fall broke the lady's back 

 

 

[11:52] **< dick the not cop> **: I am trying so hard not to laugh right now. 

 

[11:52] **< dick the not cop> **: Can I laugh? Is it too insensitive to? 

 

[11:53] **< name> **: o feel free i still get ribbed over it

  
  
[11:53] **< name> **: the old lady's fine i visited her in the hospital later because i felt really bad lmao 

 

[11:54] **< dick the not cop> **: I'm grinning at my phone like an idiot my coworkers are going to think something's up 

 

[11:54] **< dick the not cop> **: You're a real superhero, huh.

 

 [11:57] **< name> **: yeah not my finest moment ngl i'm embarrassed even thinking about it  


[11:57] **< name> **: just for you 

 

[11:59] **< dick the not cop> **: Really, thanks. You didn't have to. I'm surprised you haven't lost the number yet. 

 

[12:00] **< name> **: guess you're kinda interesting to talk to, and i didn't rly have anything better to do anyway :) 

 

[12:02] **< name> **: i was just watching over some undergrads take an exam and it was mad boring 

 

[12:02] **< name> **: ok to make this a fair exchange ur legally obligated to share with me a fun story about being a detective 

 

[12:10] **< dick the not cop> **: I'm surprised you didn't say cop there.

 

[12:13] **< name> **: shhh

 

[12:14] **< dick the not cop> **: ;) 

 

[12:14] **< dick the not cop> **: Ok, uhh. Not a lot of it is fun, as you can imagine. But we've had our moments. 

 

[12:15] **< dick the not cop> **: We once got a confession from a dude who claimed to have killed his best friend because he didn't save him from drowning in a lake.

 

[12:15] **< dick the not cop> **: And we usually take those kinda confessions pretty seriously, so a squad was sent out to the lake to comb it to see if they could find a body. 

 

 

[12:20] **< name> **: where's the fun part of this story

 

[12:22] **< dick the not cop> **: Patience. 

 

 

[12:22] **< dick the not cop> **: The man didn't seem all _there_ either, so my captain sent us to his house just in case too.

  
[12:23] **< dick the not cop> **: And we found 

 

[12:23] **< dick the not cop> : **The friend

 

[12:24] **< dick the not cop> **: Asleep in the bathtub 

 

[12:24] **< dick the not cop> **: And clearly high out of his mind 

 

 

[12:26] **< name> **: LMAO

 

[12:27] **< dick the not cop> **: The man who gave the complaint hallucinated the whole incident D: 

 

[12:27] **< name> **: that is genuinely hilarious 

 

[12:27] **< name> **: consider me properly amused and satisfied 

 

[12:30] **< dick the not cop> **: Enough for the fair exchange?

 

[12:35] **< name> **: yeah, you really went above and over. god. 

 

 

[12:55] **< name> **: we should do this again 

  
  
[12:57] **< name> **: this whole, exchange of terrible workplace stories thing

[13:02] **< dick the not cop> **: Looks like I'm saving your number, then.

 

  
[13:04] **< name> **: honestly offended that u havent already 

  
[13:04] **< name> **: especially since you've been dick the not cop in my phone since yesterday   


[13:05] **< dick the not cop> **: amended immediately, my most sincere of apologies ;) 

 

[13:06] **< name> **: talk to you later, dick the not cop man 

 

[13:09] **< dick the not cop> **: Seeya, little linebacker. 

 

[13:10] **< name> **: WOW RUDE

 

\--

[15:30] **< name>** : so when are you going to introduce me to donna HM?

 

[15:37] **< koriandr>** : I've been on one date with her, babe.

 

[15:38] **< name>** : And she's clearly one of the best dates you've been on? You talked about her for like a whole hour kori

 

 

[15:38] **< koriandr>** : She's just unbelievably great tho like  
 

[15:38] **< koriandr>** : You know she's working under motherfucking Diana Prince??? THE DIANA PRINCE? Imagine even breathing in her presence!

 

[15:40] **< name>** : that's all us peasants can do

 

 

[15:42] **< name>** : anyway ur a pretty big hotshot urself miss lawyer woman  
 

[15:42] **< name>** : i give it a year before u become an associate  


[15:44] **< name>** : will u still remember me when you're rich and drowning in money 

 

[15:46] **< koriandr>** : You know I'll put you up in my mansion <3

 

[15:55] **< name>** : so grateful, so blessed

 

\--

 

[19:02] **< Tim> **: Damien set fire to Susan Greene's dress today  


[19:02] **< Tim> **: IT WAS AMAZING  


[19:03] **< Tim> **: He put on his innocent angelic face when bruce asked him how the candlestick fell over but we KNOW it was not an accident  


[19:10] **< Dick> **: At least this gives Bruce an incentive to get rid of the candlesticks? Didn't know we lived in the 1800s .

  
  
[19:11] **< Dick> **: Jason must be so proud 

 

[19:12] **< Tim> **: He laughed himself sick. I think he regretted not doing it himself. She's an old mean hag, you know.

 

[19:13] **< Dick> **: Tim she's like, 30

 

[19:13] **< Tim> **: And? You know she's looking for a chance to undermine Selina and become Bruce's trophy wife, right?

 

[19:15] **< Dick> **: That's not happening any time soon anyway, Bruce and Selina are disgustingly in love and need to tie the knot already

 

[19:15] **< Dick> **: And you gremlins would chase her out of the house screaming before she even got close

 

[19:16] **< Tim> **:  :^)

 

\--

[19:45] **< Bruce> **: Why is every child of mine just an absolute hobgoblin

 

[19:50] **< Dick> **: I beg your pardon, Tim and me turned out fine

 

[19:51] **< Bruce> **: Dick do I need to remind you of the time you stole my car

 

[19:52] **< Dick> **:...I had a rebellious phase.

 

[19:52] **< Bruce> **: Sure, call it that.

 

[19:53] **< Bruce> **: How are you the only person Damien fully listens to when I'm his DAD  


[19:54] **< Dick> **: I'm just a good big brother! And I'm sure Damien will eventually understand you're not the antichrist

 

[19:55] **< Dick> **: Give it a few years. Maybe a decade or two. Or more.

 

[19:57] **< Dick> **: At the very least he's not plotting to kill you in your sleep like he is to Jason, probably?

 

[19:59] **< Bruce> **: Small mercies.

 

[19:59] **< Bruce> **: By the way, I am assuming we will be seeing you on Saturday for Alfred's birthday. He will be disappointed if you miss it.

 

[20:01] **< Dick> **: Can't believe you typed out btw

 

[20:01] **< Dick> **: And yeah, I wouldn't miss it for the world :)

 

\--

[22:25] **< name>** : some lady really made me type out the serial numbers because she didn't want the 'killing lasers' to go near the vegetables

 

[22:25] **< name>** : why are people like this

 

[22:26] **< dick the not cop> **: That's pretty awful. Atleast tell me she didn't have a lot of items to scan.

 

[22:26] **< name>** : i WISH but no she had loads

 

[22:26] **< name>** : at the very least she didn't grumble about how long it took

 

[22:27] **< dick the not cop> **: :(

 

[22:27] **< name>** : tell me u had a better day 

 

[22:30] **< dick the not cop> **: Well.

 

[22:30] **< dick the not cop> **: My brother set fire to some lady

 

[22:31] **< dick the not cop> **: So that was pretty funny to hear about, I guess

 

[22:33] **< name> **: jfhdjfhgkdgjdkhdjakh WHAT??? how is that funny? did u like arrest him or something ???

 

[22:35] **< dick the not cop> **: What, no he's like 5 years old

 

[22:35] **< dick the not cop> **: He knocked over a candlestick on 'accident'

 

[22:35] **< dick the not cop> **: But he probably just didn't like her

 

[22:36] **< name> **: who even uses candlesticks anymore

 

[22:37] **< name> **: and man you have a wild siblings

 

 

[22:38] **< dick the not cop> **: He's not even the worst behaved one

 

[22:38] **< dick the not cop> **: We gave bruce a pretty tough time, I think

 

[22:38] **< dick the not cop> **:Still do

 

 

[22:40] **< name> **: awwww

 

[22:42] **< dick the not cop> **: It's fine, he was decent at handling us and now we can get together for family dinners without burning down the house

 

[22:45] **< name> **: um family GOALS

 

 

[22:46] **< name> **: must be nice having a large family though

 

[22:47] **< dick the not cop> **: It is pretty lively :)

 

[22:47] **< dick the not cop> : I**f a bit chaotic at times

 

[22:55] **< name> **: that sounds nice!

 

 

[22:55] **< name> **: anyway thanks for keeping me entertained i can finally clock out and go comatose for a few hours

 

[23:00] **< dick the not cop> **: Glad the killing lasers didn't bring you down too much. They don't sound very safe ;)

 

[23:02] **< name> **: when you come shop at this outlet for your groceries I will type in every single serial number of every single item you bring to checkout mark my words

 

[23:04] **< dick the not cop> **: It'll be worth it, but consider your words marked.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and reviews welcome!


End file.
